I felt a funeral in my brain…
|The thing about depression and anxiety is that it is illogical. When the thoughts come and I feel the fog and static go off in my head I think about all of the people who love me. I realize that I am ill. I understand it is the chemicals of my brain out of order. I see how much of it is a lie and yet it pulses with every heartbeat. The persistent hum of darkness.
A few years ago I fell in love with Emily Dickinson. One of her poems resonated with me on such a visceral level. When the cloak of darkness starts to wrap my mind, this descent into a kind of madness is best summed up in her words.
I felt a funeral in my brain,
And when they all were seated,
And then I heard them lift a box,
As all the heavens were a bell,
And then a plank in reason, broke,